Reframe and Refocus

“Don’t change yourselves to be like the people of this world, but let God change you inside with a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to understand and accept what God wants for you. You will be able to know what is good and pleasing to him and what is perfect.” - Romans 12:2 (ERV)

I think God wants to give me a new perspective, I think he wants to reframe and refocus me. But if I’m being honest, it’s uncomfortable. I feel like I’m back in a place of unraveling - something that I’ve written about before, but I don’t believe I’m completely out of the woods on that. It feels like we unraveled some of the way, put a pin in it, and then came back to unravel some more. Over the last few months, I've been feeling really uncomfortable, and it's almost making me feel fidgety about it.

I’ve never felt this particular way before at any point in my walk with Christ, but I really feel like God wants to do something new; He wants to show me something new. He wants to show me Him, apart from how I’ve seen and heard about him through other people. How other people have shaped the way I see/view Him. The knowledge base that I had of Him, his nature, and his character. Instead, he wants me to see Him all on my own, with little to no outside influences, so to speak. He wants to show me what it means to truly have faith in him and how I live and walk it out daily. It’s also frustrating because I am feeling really challenged in my walk with Him at this time. However, in this particular season, I believe that God is coming to reframe and refocus EVERYTHING.

I believe there is a perspective that I’ve never known or had, that he wants to give me, and I believe it is JUST. FOR. ME., but y’all, I am scared.

There are two things that God recently revealed to me:

1. I have NOT surrendered ALL of myself completely to him.

2. False humility has been running laps around me.

Number 1: I know for a fact that there are areas of my life, as it pertains to SOLELY me, that I have not completely surrendered to God. Particularly, my thought-life and my time.

I’m aware that the greatest spiritual battle is in the mind, and I’m also aware of what the word says about taking every thought captive. I often find myself in a headspace of how do I make that my reality, not just what I read and recite in the scriptures. Because you can read and say something all day long, until you’re blue in the face, but what good is it if you aren’t putting action and practice behind it?

I haven’t completely surrendered my time, meaning I have not found that “sweet spot” of time with God. And what’s the saying … “if you keep waiting for the 'perfect' time, you’re never going to have the time.” - yeah, that’s me, and I know the time I’m on is borrowed, it’s not even mine. God so graciously has granted me the gift of time, and I have been playing with it. I’m not afraid to admit that, and I have been praying that he helps me work through it. I’ve allowed society and people I know to “shape” how I view this time with God, and it’s honestly been to my detriment. I’ve been so focused on what others say and do with their time that I’ve neglected the time that I actually have. BUT GOD. Such a gracious and merciful God, I believe he’s been letting me process this thing, even as I’m literally typing this sentence, yet and still, I’m on borrowed time, so I know I have to get it together quickly.

Number 2: This second thing has been around for quite some time, but I finally got some language for what it is and what it means. There are two sides to false humility: the first being that it is a warped form of pride, arrogance, and being overly confident. The other side of that is viewing oneself as worthless, inferior, second second-guessing our ability to do a lot of things. Second-guessing who God created and called us to be. So … there’s me … on the other side of the coin. I feel unqualified at times for a lot of the things that God has graced me with (gifts, talents, etc.), a lot of the things God has blessed me with. Imposter syndrome sneaks up on me a lot of the time with this, too. Scripture says, “We are fearfully and wonderfully made”, that we are God’s masterpiece, his handiwork - we were never worthy of anything he has given or wants to give us, but in his kindness and the immense and unconditional love that he has for us, he gave anyway to us. He’s reframing this for me, that even though I’m underserving or unworthy, that does not mean that I literally walk through this life with that mindset. That is not God’s will for my life, for your life either. It’s about being aware of it, and knowing that God has graced us to be able to do this life … AND WITH HIM! Apart from Him, this all falls apart. Coming into the full knowledge of who he is while at the same time doing this thing called life. We can’t have one without the other.

So, these two realizations actually go hand in hand, at least for me, and I am praying that God helps me work them. I am praying that I don’t run from what God is trying to reveal in this season. This reframing and reshaping is so uncomfortable, and I don’t know what lies ahead. I just know that old habits cannot go, I have to allow the Lord to break me of those. Old mindsets cannot go; I need the Lord to renew my mind, DAILY. Old ways of thinking and doing cannot continue. I need the Lord to create new ways … because after all, he is the God who creates ways in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. I know he wants to do a new thing, but trying to be and remain in a position that’s new and unfamiliar is hard. I do want what He wants for me, but that requires me to relinquish all control, to not worry about what lies ahead. I have to surrender and trust God to order and lead my steps, knowing that as I take each step, he’ll light up the next one and not a moment sooner.

Taking a step is faith-activating, and I need my faith to be activated. I know it requires me to do my part too. The mature part of walking with the Lord is realizing that he’s not going to drag you along; you have to go WILLINGLY. I have to make a choice, you have to make a choice, WE. HAVE. TO. MAKE. A. CHOICE!

So what will it be? Lean into the renewal of our minds, completely and wholeheartedly, surrendered? Or allowing society, and looking to the right and the left, to shape us?